Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Choice

I had one thing in mind when I sat down to type. As for now that one thing is now something different.

Life.

To the core of myself I am struggling. Struggling to pursue faith. Struggling to keep on believing. Right now, I am even wondering if I am going to post this.

Yesterday we packed all our clothes (Insert frustration here due to boychild longing for a glass of chocolate milk...okay I am back) and importants and drove ourselves to Houston. I cried as we gave the dog away and cried as we drove down the street. It didn't stop, the tears flowed as I was hanging clothes in the closet. At the moment I cannot grasp peace. What is that about? This is suppose to be the adventure of my life. At the present it does not feel much like that. Or maybe it does...just an adventure gone bad. Do I really mean this? I don't know. I cannot trust my emotions right now.

We arrived here early so to register our two in school before meet the teacher night. That is a no go. All their registrars are on training so they will not register until Monday morning. After some good advice today I think we are going to press on and attend meet the teacher anyway. We will just meet them all as well as find the lunch room and bathrooms.

Do you ever desire to just run to the store and purchase a faith injection?

I need to be running to the arms of my father but instead I feel myself pulling away. I hate this feeling. Lord, please change my heart. (and soon...) I need to do my devotional for the day. I have carried it with me all day I just have not done it. Picture me walking around my life carrying my purple duct tape bible and my 90 days with A Heart Like His.

Renew my spirit within me...i beg you...Father.

I know truth...I believe truth...YOU are truth. I am believing You. No matter what my emotions are saying at this moment...I choose YOU.

What verse do you long for when feeling faithless? I need some fighting words...will you help?

Usually when I am feeling really down I throw a praise party. The radio goes up and we dance till we laugh. We praise no matter the feeling present. I cannot do that here at the in-laws so let's praise him in typed word. I guess you could say that we will just dance our fingers away.

This would be a great time for my beloved lurkers to join in.

12 comments:

me! said...

debra, spike often tells me to just 'enjoy the journey' - when we're on vacation or moving or something big like that & things don't go the way i'd planned - i begin to get frustrated & 'off a bit' & before i get to far away he reminds me to just sit back & enjoy the journey - try it, it usually works for me (then go get some chocolate milk with your little guy *smile*

lori

jen said...

"For my determined purpose is that I might know Him, that I might progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly." Philippians 3:10

This is the header of Shelly's blog (I hope you don't mind Shelly!) but I am claiming it for you tonight. Seek Him. Grab on to Him. Cry on His shoulder. Remember that satan wants nothing more than to put a wedge between you and God. When you feel yourself pulling away, grab onto Him even harder. He knows the cry of your heart. He knows the pain and fear you are feeling. I am going to play this song for you...

"I have a father, He calls me His own. He'll never leave me, no matter where I go.

He knows my name, He knows my every thought. He sees each tear that falls, and hears me when I call"

He will hear you when you call, sweet girl. He will hear you.

Lifting you up.

Alana said...

My heart is breaking for you right now.

This verse is a peace giver for me every time.

"In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Psalm 118:5&6

And while searching for that one, I found this...

"Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together. I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."
Psalm 34:3&4

Peace of Christ to you!

Teri said...

Phil 3:7-14
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Pressing on Toward the Goal
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Hold her Father, she needs you. In Jesus name.

kittyhox said...

Oh Debra. This is so hard. What to do when your feelings don't feel right!

Jeremiah 17:9
"The heart is deceitful above all things..."

My heart has told me things - I have felt things - that I know weren't the truth. Emotions can be so strong and so persuasive, but that doesn't give them credibility.

I think you are doing the right thing. Choosing to work through this with God, even if you don't FEEL like it! Maybe the feelings will follow your continued obedience.

You are stepping out in faith in a BIG BIG way, and it's only natural that your feelings would be all over the place! It's a scary thing! It's hugely stressful.

Hang in there, siesta. I'm saying a prayer for you and your family.

Sheryl said...

i finally got one my dear friend...i haven't posted anything, but i have it! haha

anyways, Job 1 is the chapter i love when i need some help fighting. well really, all of Job..but you know. :)
you guys are right where God wants you right now...obedience isn't always easy, but praise God that you are following His leading.
...know that i am praying for you!

Tina said...

Ok, this is God...I was reading some devotionals just yesterday and happened onto this set of devos labeled "waiting on God". When I got to my desk this morning, there was your post explaining the struggle with the wait, so I felt that maybe God placed that into my hands for a reason! Here is the URL: http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/search/label/Waiting%20On%20God

On a personal note...when we were getting ready to leave for the field, we had made it back "home" for a couple of services and Preacher preached a message out of Joshua chapter 1...It challenged me in my disbelief and fear, may it do the same for you. I am leaving you with a taste of the passage here, but just know that you will glean more from the entire passage on your own! Also the "scriptural staple" in my life is Ps 139...it is a good reminder of just how important our lives are to our Creator and it envokes a sense of worth that Satan tries to steal on a regular basis! Praying for ya! ~~Tina

Joshua 1:9 "Have not I commanded thee? {I love that part} Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest"

Heather said...

I've had many days like this recently. Days where the waiting is hard! I actually wrote about it a few days ago on our blog. My verse that morning was psalm 5 1-3 1 Give ear to my words, O LORD,
consider my sighing.
2 Listen to my cry for help,
my King and my God,
for to you I pray.
3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation

It is one thing to have the head knowledge but my heart was struggling to hold on. Some days I still struggle. I know God has the answer but I wonder when that answer will come. I also wonder why I don't have the strength some days to cling to his promises?

The other verse that I cling to is From Hebrews ... Never will I leave you and Never will I forsake you. He's called you guys and he will not leave nor forsake you during this time. Just like he wont us. It's hard some days but just know you aren't alone ... others are in the same place. We will all hold on for each other.

Another thing I do is look back at my old journals where God has come through for us, where he has provided and remember those days and know that he's not going to stop now.

Praying for you! A song I've fallen in love with lately is Oh the Glory of it all by david crowder band.

oh amanda said...

Debra: (((hugs))) I don't have any huge advice. I'm actually going to have to think about a verse and then get back to you. But I've told you before we're in the same kind of situation as you--not in ministry, unsure of where to go. We moved back to our hometown and don't know how long we'll be here--a few more months? a few more years? But what helps me is that I know this is a season. I have to think about my life in seasons. There are seasons of amazing ministry, seasons of planting, seasons of busyness, seasons of growing, seasons of resting. I'm in a season right now and I don't know how long it will last, and sometimes I wonder what I'm doing (growing, planting, etc.) But I know soon, the new season will burst forth!

Jenny posted something similar today:
http://acoachforlife.blogspot.com/2007/08/i-believe.html

jennyhope said...

i had to erase my last blog post because of some creepy comments. anyway, i was joking really about how oblivious rod is...he is...but it is ok and girl i dont keep much in when it comes to communication.
can i say thank you for posting this. sometimes i am like Lord am I the only one who feels like this and I run to the Psalms.
I love this verse in Hebrews 12:12-13
12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet,"[b] so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

Numbers 23:19
19 God is not a man, that he should lie,
nor a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?

I thought the verse of the day was so good!!Psalm 94 18 When I said, "My foot is slipping,"
your love, O LORD, supported me.

19 When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought joy to my soul.

PRAYING FOR YOU!!!! I think so much of the move and change is the whole leaving and grieving because of eternity in our hearts.

annie said...

This is my first visit to your blog Debra.
You have such a sweet honest spirit.
I have many scriptures that feed my faith when I'm feeling down.
Here are a few...

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalms 18:2

blessings~
Annie

Fran said...

Debra..
I know that I am a few days late in regards to this post, but i just pray in agreement with all your wonderful sisters out there....i hope that today and tomorrow and tomorrow are days filled with life, hope, faith, and love for you and our BIG God!!

Trust Him Unconditionally!