How well do we love?

I am a firm believer that love is a choice that is made. After all the warm feelings have evaporated we are left with choice. Most mornings I get up and have a "feeling" of love for the one who sleeps next to me. There were days when I had to make a distinct choice to love him. I had been hurt to the deepest measure of my knowledge. The fluffy feelings were nowhere to be found. God was faithful and restored the "feeling".

I believe that God makes the same choice with me. He chose to love me. The days that I takes steps away from him, he still chooses me. Despite me, He loves me. It is the kind of love that He, Our God, is only capable of. He gives us the great privilege to tap into that love and bestow it upon another.

Last night at Becoming (a girls event I do once a month) we discussed love. More than that, we discussed how we are known by the way that we love one another. That truth has been haunting me this week. It is some of the way that the Lord is stretching me.

I have a friend who at one point in life hurt me to the tune of huge. With God's grace, forgiveness has been given. Not by my strength but through his. God seems to be pushing me on with connection to her. I am in the moment of lack of understanding and lack of desire. I often think, Lord, haven't I done enough? This week when those words have crossed my heart the Lord spoke back...You will be known by your love for one another(her).

The barriers in this section of my life are enormous. I have not a clue what God is doing in my heart. I also do not have a clue as to why. The "whys" always get me.

To be more like Christ is to love more. What will it look like? The future will tell.

Teach me and Lead me...

I want to be known to be like him!

In the days to come

Today there are many questions on my mind. Questions that, in truth, will have no answer soon. I feel the complete presence of God, and the tightness of his hands molding.

I have known God for most of my life. Even so, It was not until my young adult life that I truly learned him. I decided to search him out for myself. He was there waiting for me. Thrilled. Together we began a different kind of relationship. It was the beginning stages of transformation. I was just a young thing with two babies in tow. My husband and I were in bible college and were working on staff at a great church.

I thought life was just going to be rosy from that point on. We had a great life. I had constant communication and love with my heavenly father. I could not imagine it any better. I was doing the God thing and loving every minute of it.

Now I know that God drew me close to him to prepare me. I was going to be in desperate need of him. I did not know it, but he did. Soon enough my perfect life seemed to fall apart. In moments everything changed. If I had not been walking close to my father I seriously do not where I would be today.

In spite of life situations, I grew closer and closer. I learned the meaning of Christ being all that I needed. I would not trade those tender moments for anything. I also do not want to ever relive them. Do you know those kind of times?

The mistakes that were made echoed out loud. Our life was an open book. I do believe that God allowed this for many reasons. For a very private person, it was very hard.

That season of life is over. Most days it does not even cloud my thoughts. It seems I always want to close the book on it. God does not. He keeps going in and opening it up. When I think he has taught me every lesson out of this place, I am wrong. He reminds me, Oh no we can reach deeper. Sometimes deeper hurts.

This is stirred up in my heart because yet again I face the end of my strength. His love and overwhelming desire push me on to be more...and to do more than I think possible. This weekend will be one of those definite moments of stretching. I hope to be pretty limber on Monday.

(If you are reading this please don't take this in the wrong way. I am sure you feel the same way.)

In Jeremiah sits mine and my husband's life verse, Jeremiah 32:17. Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and earth by your great power and outstreched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. My bible actually opens to this page out of habit. Page 840 is well read. Nothing is too hard for my God. Nothing. Nothing that I believe is impossible or hurtful. What satan meant for destruction my God can turn and use for his greatness. I live to bear his love to another. May it be so in the minutes to come.

Thank you for listening.

Ernest is 30!

Here are a few pictures from our "Salsa Night". For Ernest's birthday we threw him a salsa dancing party. It is so great to dance with and watch this family who know nothing about how to salsa. Our son informed us that he does know how to hip hop, in case that was needed. This is a memorable occasion because now Ernest is somewhat out of the dark "electronic" ages. One of his gifts was a MP3 player. Baby steps into the electronic world.

It was a great night.

Against all hope, Debra believes!

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed...
Romans 4:18a

My worship time this morning has been wonderful. Yes, I am in a stretching period. I am happy with that. I do not want God to keep me in the place of sameness. I want to become more like him. Against all hope, In hope "Debra" believed. I want that statement to be true for my life. I love that the moment my eyes wonder off in hopelessness or discouragement God turns my head up to him. Nothing is too hard for my God. Nothing. Nothing I have done, no hurt that lingers in the pit of my heart. He is more than capable of making something out of nothing. I am so grateful for that. He is making me! I am still in the preparation stage. The stirring of the ingredients is tough. The outcome is great. On the other side, I will be more refined to do the work he has given me.

I am believing you to be HUGE. I know you are because of the presence you have had in my own life. Your strength amazes me. Your tenderness soothes me. I am in love with you.

A Downtown Afternoon

This is our afternoon in pictures. The kids and I went and strolled down the streets of Downtown small city. We had a great time. There is a photographer wanna be in all three of our hearts.

I am blessed beyond measure. It all rains down from my father above.

Stretching

Faith that believes it will see, will keep us from becoming discouraged.


Tears are running down my cheeks as my fingers are typing these words. Discouraged. I have let myself become discouraged. This is a testing period in our life and in this moment realization has hit. Confession. Lord I am here and I am discouraged. I sit here without the courage of your faith. I decided to leave it somewhere in a weak moment, or several weak moments. Your word hit me hard today. Thank you for speaking truth to my heart.

Your strength is made perfect in my weakness. I welcome you to come in and take over. You know my inmost desires and thoughts. May you increase my faith. I so want to please you. I want to believe with every ounce of my being.

I can feel your hand stretching me past the point of comfort. Still, I will follow you. I desire you. I would love to know where you are leading me. In someways, it feels, as if my heart is already there. Preparation. Time. Waiting.

LOVE.

From the princess herself

About the Daddy and Daughter Dance

We walked in the building and we got in line and took pictures. Then we went into the ballroom. We had to find table 49. And we found it. There were only two seats left. In my head I said awesome and perfect. So we sat down. We waited about ten minutes to get our food. Then I went to play with my balloon. Then the music started playing, I went to go and get daddy. I saw him talking to someone. I was about to tell him something, But Sarah (from my soccer team) came and told me that her dad was not dancing with her and she wanted me to get him to. So I walked over there and I said "As you may notice your daughter wants to dance with you and your talking. This is not a man to man talking place, this is a daddy and daughter dance." Then he went and danced with her. Then I went back to daddy and said "I will say exactly what I told Sarah's dad. This is not a man to man talking place this is a daddy and daughter dance." So we went and danced. Then we had to get our tickets and see if we won a prize. The we went back to dancing. Then they announced we have cookies and punch. Once again we have cookies and punch. So me and daddy went to get some. Then danced some more. Then came the chicken dance. Next was the marcarana dance. The next song was Jesus take the Wheel. Every little girl found their daddy and danced. Daddy and I went to dance at the back. Then we sat down. I looked in my bag and saw a yo yo. Then I went to get a cookie. I gave it to daddy for Valentine's Day. He put it in my bag. We went and danced some more. Then the last song came on. It was a slow song. It was butterfly kisses. When the song was over everyone went and got their stuff. That was the daddy and daughter dance story.

She came home from school today with this story in hand. I thought it was cute and worth letting you read. I copied exactly like she wrote it. I know a little girl who is in love with her daddy.

Photo Blogs

I love photography blogs! I could look at them all day. Would you share your favorites with me. I will have to restrain myself to not go crazy and stay on the computer all day.

Thanks.

Daddy & Daughter Dance

The girl was excited from the moment she woke up this morning. She walked straight in from school with complete intentions to bathe and primp for the whole afternoon. What fun we had. I am telling you I love that child beyond my own knowledge. To those of you that read yesterday's post...Thank you for letting me vent. It was just one of those days. I am so pleased that I was chosen to be this little girl's mom.

**Update**
I had to come and add this. They walked in the house from the party happy as ever. The sweet girl is now laying in her bed crying. Seriously. Why? She doesn't want this night to end. (she is so much like me) She said that she had the time of her life and danced her little heart out. My husband even did the marcarana in public. She is full tonight, Full of love. My little girl lived out her princess dreams tonight. The first of many to come.

To my Heavenly Father...thank you for the joy of this night. I am ever enthralled by you.

Ramblings from a mother's heart

I am sitting here with a heavy heart.

It seems we have hit this stage of stress between the girl and me. I, of course, love her to pieces. She seems to be struggling right now. It is affecting her school work and attitude. I desire her to feel like the true princess she is. The problem with that is she seems to be getting into trouble often. It seems like when she needs the most love she is getting the most grief. I feel like I end up hurting her more than helping her. My heart aches. She is growing up and her emotions are kind of crazy. This is really her first sense of girlie emotions.

This is where I need your prayers. Yes you, my readers, all 4 of you. I am a perfectionist of sorts and I tend to throw that onto her. I need to join a support group or something. She needs me to lavish love upon her but instead I am pushing her on to work harder. I want her to be the best she can be but please pray that I will keep that line sacred. She was a child that was certain about her place and strength. It seems that she has hit a wall of the unknown. The wall of "it is just too hard".

There is no greater purpose in my life than to be a mother to this child. Not just any mother, a good one. I want to model the love of Christ to her.

Tomorrow is a big day for her. She is going to the daddy/daughter dance. We have bought her a new outfit and to her greatest excitement dangly earrings.

We have a date set to look up new verses for her note cards. She already knows the amazing power of having God's word handy on a 3x5.

You may be wondering why I am writing this or even why you are reading this. It is weird. I am at a place in my life where I am without close friendships. I have a few close friends but they all live far away. Maybe that is why you are reading this, to be my friend for the day. I sound desperate, I know, at this point I guess I am.

One thing I am certain of...God is in control.

Valentine's Day

I just wanted to take a moment to write about my beautiful wife. She is my everything. I truly fall more and more in love with her every day! Through the years we have had our battles and our hard times but God has seen us through them and I believe that no matter how much I would NEVER want to experience those times again, we were made stronger because of them. There is absolutely no other way I would want to journey through life than with her! So wife, love of my life and mother of my children, here's to you. I love you!

Pretty Baby

The itch is ever present! The itch to for a baby. We are praying about adoption and God's timing. For a long time we have thought we were done and now God seems to be opening our hearts to prepare for another. Our children love the idea of adopting a brother or sister. It was actually Carly's idea. We are just waiting to see where God takes this desire. We are open Lord...

With that being said, I was able to babysit one of the most beautiful babies today. I snapped a few photos of her and here are my favorites.

To Bunko or Not to Bunko

I walked into the room and to my surprise I found ladies going crazy. There was hooping and hollering that could be heard from blocks away. What am I getting myself into? These days have been so busy that time needed with girlfriends is few and far between. Because of this I took the plunge and dropped into bunko night at my church.

I have gathered after the experience that I am just not a bunko kind of girl. I cannot really say why. Maybe it is the fact that I could not grab hold of the point of the game. I guess I am more of the coffee and conversation kind of girl. Does it matter that I do not like coffee? Can we just hang with the fact that I absolutely love the smell of Starbucks. I want to love it, I really do.

I played two rounds of this game which lasted 2 hours. The game I did not enjoy but the conversation I loved. There was a funny point in the night when we started talking about family lines and somehow my crazy story came up. I so need to share that with you. I promise I will when I get the time.

What I do know is the ladies present at this party love the game. They came with their game face on. It was every man (woman) for herself once the bell rang. I think there should be a rule that you have to check your nails at the door. Serious damage can be done when fighting over who get the dice first.

I was lucky enough to get a bunko (all the dice land on the certain number you are going for) for that I got the privilege to wear the pearl necklace until someone else got one. At the end of the night I was announced as the one who lost the most. Do you think that has something to do with the way I feel about the game?

It was great fun just to be around other women. I love to hang out and learn a little about my sisters. For that my night was well spent.

Will I ever play bunko again? I am just not sure. Bribe me with some friends and I will do almost anything! In that case I guess it is a yes...Or a maybe? *laughing*

The Waiting Room

If you are a man you probably don't want to read this one!

The warm temperatures are gone. The sunny skies have given into a misty gray day. To be honest it has not been my favorite of days. I had to go to a Dr. appointment today. Yes you know the one. The one I dread all year long. I usually go in June, due to some abnormal tests results last June, I had to go back today.

My appointment was set for 10:00 a.m. I am almost positive that I got there right on time. I tell the nice lady at the counter my name and proceed to take my seat next to the fish tank. It was the only seat available. The room was full of women with big round bellies. Some days I miss that. Key word there is some. I don't know why but this day I chose to not thumb through the magazines. I guess I was just ready to get this over with and move on with more appealing aspects of the day. After a while the nice lady behind the desk tells me that the Dr. has gone to deliver a baby and would return in about 15 minutes. Really? 15 minutes and she will be back, that is quick!

So what did I do? I sat there some more...and some more. I couldn't get over the fact that I was waiting so long to go in and be humiliated beyond belief. It seems a little unreal. I ended up waiting for 1 hour and 15 minutes before I heard my name called. Forever.

To be honest I don't even know why I am writing about this. Sometimes I guess I just feel the need to talk.

Why do these interest me?

You think you know me?

Compliments of Jamie

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Movie Theater box office worker
2. Administrative Clerk
3. Chiropractic Assistant
4. Teacher Aide

Movies I would watch over and over:
5. Hope Floats
6. While you were sleeping
7. Beyond the Gates of Splendor (Documentary)
8. Ever After

*Honestly I am not a over and over movie watcher

Four places you have lived:
9. Abilene, Texas
10. Springfield, Missouri
11. New Caney, Texas
12. Humble, Texas

Four places you have been on vacation:
13. New Braunsfels
14. Possum Kingdom Lake (that still makes me laugh)
15. Los Angelas, California
16. Cozumel, Progresso (Cruise)

Four of my favorite foods are:
17. Avocados
18. Potatoes
19. Abuelos chicken enchilada
20. Olive Garden's Chicken Fettucinie

Four places I would rather be right now:
21. Vacation
22. On a great quite beach
23. Laying in a hammock
24. Listening to the soothing water and my children's laughter



Copy and paste on your own blog. Delete my answers and insert your own. Have fun!

The Bluest of Skies

It is the most beautiful day of 2007. Well at least to date. I have my doors open and all the blinds open wide. The sky is an amazing shade of blue. This day makes me so happy. You just may find me running up and down the streets. It is just so pleasant. The birds are chirping in our neighbor's trees. This yard does not have any trees. It was the one down fall to calling it our home. In our city you do not find many trees so be thankful for the ones around you. I am in a major itch for Spring to come.

Thinking of Spring always reminds me of projects to be done. We have some major work to do on our back yard. It is in some sad shape. Our students broke the kids swing set. I love them but they really break a lot of stuff. That is a whole other blog. We have not taken it down in hopes that we will just buy some new wood and fix it. REALLY? I just don't know if we will do it or not. We have an above ground pool that we purchased 3 years ago. We brought it with us to the new house and quickly put it up. Our kids live in this thing during the summer. After a few weeks we noticed some grass growing through the liner. The grass grew through 3 feet of sand to even reach the liner. After talking to the pool man we learned that this type of grass will grow through anything. Our pool is still standing out there, no water in it, it is just once again in seriously bad shape. We are going to fix that. I think we have to put down a cement floor then the sand. There is more to the "falling apart" back yard but I won't bore you with all the details. I am considering contacting Oprah for some extreme makeover help. Who knows maybe one day you will see me on the show.

I promise to enjoy this day to the fullest. This is a beautiful day that my Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad.

I am hoping that your day is equally beautiful.

Haircut

I am so happy to report that Saturday I got a new haircut. It seems to have been a long time now. I now have about a thousand different layers in my hair. You should have seen my hair when I woke up this morning. It would be safe to say HUGE! The curl was already falling out a little when Ernest shot these pictures for me. I am definitely a blogger now! I even put up my hair cut.

How was your Sunday?

Our little Guy

We are sitting on the couch watching some cartoons when Colton says to me..."Hey you want to see my name in the newspaper"..."Of course I do!" He gets up and goes to his room only to return with a cut out piece of newspaper.

Yesterday the CHOOSE program came to his school to talk about healthy eating. Colton told us about that but he left out the part about a reporter talking to him. Anyways he was interviewed and had some funny stuff to say. He said that he was going to cut down on his "usual" soda intake...He rarely ever has a soda. I could not help but laugh. Ever since yesterday he has been wearing a step counter trying to make it to his goal. I love it!

Battlecry for THIS generation

Abilene Invasion went off great. We were humbled to see 1500-2000 parents and teens there. Worshiping together with churches from all around our community meant so much to me. I enjoyed every minute of it.

Ernest and I got to Beltway at noon for our first meeting of the day. We met Mike Guzzardo who was the speaker. He is amazing by the way. Great man of God. From that meeting on we were busy till the late hours of the night. Most of our time together was spent in prayer. All the area youth workers and Mike sat together, prayed, and read scripture over one another...It was amazing. We went into the building praying and walking around it. There was a moment when we were praying over the band that I saw my husband in a new way. His face was just glowing from sweet communion with his father. I fell in love with that man again. There were no barriers, no one cared who was there, who was watching them. As Baptists sometimes we are so closed, we are scared to look like... On this day we were not! Praise God. Leaving everything behind and following him. We cannot lead anyone where we are not going ourselves. So we press on.

This was our pep rally night to get others involved in our vision. Now it is time to start on the next phase of AI. I believe God was there and was doing his thing. What a privilege to sit back and watch him work...to praise him through every moment. I love HIM.

I sat next to Ernest (on one side) and Ana Simmons (Tim's wife) on the other. What great fun worshiping with a new friend. We have met on several occasions but this was the night where I finally was able to get to know her a bit. For one thing she is adorably pregnant. She will have her precious baby any moment. Another thing I learned about this woman...She loves our Lord. I love to serve the Lord with others. It is such a blast.

I have posted some pictures of the night. The battery in my camera went out so I was only able to get a few.